


a headful of oopsie daisies

by sleep_pronoia (nap_princess)



Category: Sierra Burgess Is a Loser (2018)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Gen, I realise this fic is horrible but I want it gone from my drafts ok?, No plot just rambles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 13:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/sleep_pronoia
Summary: Veronica turns and hides in her pretty room to be alone with her pretty thoughts / She's a flower afraid of the sun. Yes, if Sierra were a flower, she’d be a dodder– Veronica-centric





	a headful of oopsie daisies

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pretty Girl](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/419141) by Clairo. 



** a headful of oopsie daisies  **

* * *

 I could be a pretty girl,  
I'll wear a skirt for you 

– **Clairo** , _Pretty Girl_

* * *

* * *

"You can be with someone like you." One of her friends say, Veronica can't remember who with the state she's in.

But Veronica does remember snapping, "I don't want to be with someone like me."

Because being with someone like her is being with someone superficial. Just a pretty face with blind followers. She doesn't want to be with _a moron_. She wants to be with Spence!

Veronica tells herself that Spencer is different. He likes girls who are smart. He likes girls who aren't her, so it's a miracle that he was even with her to begin with. Veronica convinces herself that he saw _something_ in her, not just her face, and now she’s messed it up by being too stupid for his college 101 level classes.

“Ronnie …”

Veronica looks at Mackenzie and her long hair pulled into long braids while Chrissy rubs her back, comforting the bitter sting of a break-up. The biology teacher doesn't give a shit about her tears or her grades, both things that are falling and tricking down.

“I can’t do this.” Veronica says after the teacher calls her out. She storms out of the class without even asking for a bathroom class and finds a quiet place for her to cry her beauty queen tears.

* * *

{ I could be a pretty girl,  
I'll lose myself in you }

* * *

“Moronica! _Moronica!_ ” Her twin sisters chant after Veronica presents her report card to her mother.

Veronica fidgets while her mother’s eyes scan through a bunch of numbers that dictates her intelligent. She holds her thin arms behind her back, as if afraid her mother would catch her hands and hold them against her.

"God, Veronica, you're so stupid!" Her mother finally says, face twisted in fury.

And hurt immediately flashes on the girl’s face. You don't have to be smart to know what pain is.

“Go to your room. _Right now._ You’re grounded!”

Veronica can only swallow up the sadness in her voice and hope she never cries in front of her mother as she turns and hides in her pretty room to be alone with her pretty thoughts.

.

.

.

"Can you explain it one more time, please?" Veronica remembers asking, back when Spence was still in high school and tutoring her. Though her voice is sweet, her eyebrows are drawn together in confusion and her glossed lips are pressed in a frown. She's asked Spence to explain it to her five times already and she knows his patience is thinning. Even good looks draw a line.

Spence sighs and puts down his pencil. He looks at her the same way a person looks at a lost, confused puppy. Utterly hopeless.

At the time, Veronica wasn’t totally in love with Spence and he was only teaching her because he wanted her approval on social media. Something about him needing her help since she was head cheerleader and had a lot of connections.

It was a simple favour – a public declaration.

(But not a ‘I’ll follow you back on _Instagram_ if you help me’. No, never a follow. He wasn’t asking her to follow him. It wasn’t the other way around. Never the other way around. Veronica doesn't follow anybody)

"Why don't we skip this question and move on to the next one?" He asks.

Her frown remains.  _No_ , they  **can't**  do that! They've already skipped the first  _three questions_  and it's only the first page.

"Just ..." Veronica mashes her lips together. "Just one more time." She begs, fluttering her long eyelashes like it’s some secret weapon against boys.

And she can see him hold back a sigh as he tells her, "Okay, one more time."

* * *

{ I could be a pretty girl,  
Won't ever make you blue }

* * *

"Don't you think Jamey looks like _Peter Kavinsky_ from  _To All The Boys That I've Loved_?" Veronica finds herself asking one day in Sierra’s room after they’ve put away their textbooks. Plato or whatever old man buried six feet under can wait.

"To all the what?" Sierra asks.

"Haven't you heard? It's a popular book turned into a movie. It's super cheesy."

"Is it a Y/A romance novel?" Sierra asks.

"Yeah." Veronica answers.

At this, Veronica gets an eyeroll in return, which, she kind of expects. Sierra isn't all that crazy about romance even though the ginger girl is _currently_ living a romance. In a way, Veronica gets it. She's been  _that girl_ , scoffing and rolling her eyes at generic popular things other people like. Saying they were different when they were just too mighty to admit that they were all the same. Saying to her friends that "This song sucks, doesn't it?" despite seeing no one wrinkle their nose like her. They're all the same. Nothing special.

* * *

{ I could be a pretty girl,  
Shut up when you want me to }

* * *

"Come on, Ronnie." Mackenzie says to Veronica. Mackenzie who is _still_ calling her friend by her nickname, Mackenzie who is still is trying to stop Veronica from digging herself a grave. "Why are you hanging out with Sierra?"

Chrissy stays silent, watching the exchange while Veronica gives her reply.

"I like her, she's kind of cool."

Mackenzie squints her brown eyes in return. No, Sierra isn’t ‘cool’, she’s Veronica’s one-way trip to Loserville. 

But Veronica sees the face Mackenzie makes and stands her ground by asking, "Why are you like this? Why are you so ..."

"Mean?" Mackenzie finishes Veronica's trailed off words. "Because I know I'm mean, Ronnie. I know who I am."

"Aren't you tired of being a mean girl?" Veronica continues asking.

Mackenzie says, "Maybe I can work it out in the future, be nice, be the bigger person. But, now – _right now_ – at least I know who I am. What I am. Does Sierra know who she is? Does she know that she's –"

Holding her breathe, Veronica braces herself. She knows what's coming next, what word Mackenzie is going to use to call Sierra. It's universally hated, this name. And Veronica cringes from this.

"– a special snowflake?" Mackenzie says, words out in the open.

Veronica never knew why people called each other that. She's never found a way to brush off such a name calling, no remarks come to mind.

When Veronica doesn’t say anything, instead letting the party’s music carry her silence, Mackenzie asks, “Have you forgotten why you never liked Sierra in the first place?”

Mackenzie wonders; did Veronica **really** forget why she hated Sierra? Mackenzie wants Veronica to wake up, pull the answers buried deep within her and answer Mackenzie’s damn question but Veronica doesn't. She doesn't say anything so Mackenzie shouts with all her might (all those cheers really helped expand her lungs).

The reason why none of them never liked Sierra Burgess wasn’t because Sierra checked all the boxes in being a stereotypical nerd girl – glasses, band practice, stupidly overly smart. It was because Sierra openly sneered at girls like Veronica and Mackenzie and Chrissy! ‘Ugh, cheerleaders,’ A groan Mackenzie swore she heard Sierra say. Does anyone know how **hard** it is to be a cheerleader? To  _stay_  a cheerleader? To try to maintain good grades to not lose a sport that they love? To keep a fit body? Or to memorise a bunch of nonsense cheers? To shout without your voice getting raw? To keep a healthy relationship between co-cheerleaders?

It was so clear that Sierra only thinks of herself, living a tween’s fantasy dream that she’s some shining star. The reasoning behind her thinking was ridiculous! Sierra thinks, she’s ‘special and different from other girls’ because she didn't go to parties and didn't care about her looks and wasn't in a clique to be fitted into. She thinks because she’s all this, then she could give herself a reason to be different.

But, _news flash_ – and Mackenzie doesn't care if she sounds mean because she knows she's mean – nobody is different! We're all the same; everybody breathes, everybody eats, everybody shits.

Sierra constantly pulls down Veronica and everything the brunette liked about herself. So, of course, Veronica’s going to fight back and say mean words, even if Sierra retorts them with facts; make comebacks to Veronica's taunts, make it clear that she doesn't care what Veronica says or thinks. She stands up for herself all the time. Sierra knew damn well she was smart and supported by her parents, wasn't friendless, had a good English Lit teacher supporting her back, ... and yet the girl still tried to tell the world how unlucky she was. This girl never counts her blessings.

Mackenzie wanted Veronica to remember why she hated Sierra, because Sierra was selfish.

Sierra Burgess is horrible because she never seems to care about others, never seem to try to care about others, that is. It's just her, her, her because –

God, Mackenzie is so mad that she thinks she's shaking! What's wrong with liking make-up and pretty clothes? Isn't self-care and good grooming universally appreciated? It doesn't even have to be anything big, it could be something that's a quick five-second fix like spinach caught between teeth or sauce in the corner of a mouth or a fuzz lint woven in somebody's hair. What's wrong with being a cheerleader? It's a sport and good for toning muscles! Sports are just as good as music, sorry that they can't read sheet music or play an instrument! What's wrong with popular? It's just a fancy name for being well-known? It's better than being a nobody and invisible, isn't it? What's wrong with being a somebody? What's wrong with that?!

Mackenzie thinks, _Sierra Burgess is a loser, alright, but not because she isn't pretty enough. It's because she's a loser on the inside, this title will stay on her shoulders even after high school ends._

“You always fought for what you believed in. You always fought against her until you didn’t.” Mackenzie’s shoulders slump as she says this. “What happened? Why did you give up?” _I want the old Ronnie back._

But once again, Veronica lets the music play over her.

So Mackenzie turns, taking Chrissy with her, and Veronica can’t help but think that she misses them already.

* * *

{ I want to remember,  
I think it was about noon,  
It's getting harder to understand }

* * *

“How could you do this to me?” Veronica asks, throat feeling hoarse. And it’s from yelling all those cheers. She still has Ashley’s phone wrapped around her hand, a post flashed on the screen about being dumped via DM.

Sierra looks at Veronica who’s dressed in a cutesy cheerleading outfit then at her own marching band uniform. It looks like she can’t meet Veronica in the eye. “Because I’m not like you.”

What does that even mean?!

Sierra continues, “I got jealous. I wanted to be you and couldn’t.”

‘Why would you want to be me? My life sucks! You’ve walked into my life, you’ve seen it! What’s there to want?’ Veronica wants to yell these words but doesn’t.

Veronica barely has friends at this point! She doesn’t have a supportive family! She has no boyfriend and she doesn’t have good grades. All she has is cheerleading. That’s it. Just a sport and a title that lies because she’s not on top.

Turning away from the conversation and the bright field lights and the crowd on the bleachers, Veronica notes how Sierra smells faintly of sunblock as if she’s _so very afraid_  of the sun. She's a flower afraid of the sun. Yes, if Sierra were a flower, she’d be a dodder.

* * *

Sierra's just used her.

Another person has used her.

.

.

.

(What a surprise?)

* * *

{ I was so blinded by you, now I cry,  
Just thinking 'bout the fool that I was }

* * *

She's staying at home because her mother who sprouts nonsense about her living, breathing father and her sisters are out; the house is quiet and she can finally ( _finally_ ) study.

But she can’t concentrate. _Not really_. Not after what Sierra had done and Veronica ends up thinking and missing Mackenzie and Chrissy, and their memories. Of how Mackenzie excels in Mathematics but hated Economics. Secretly still thought Harry Styles is dreamy. Her mom is an accountant who is anything but boring and bakes snickerdoodles for them. And then, Veronica thinks of how Chrissy likes the colour pink too much; pink backpack and pink painted nails and pink shoes. She drinks juice with the draw placed on the side of her mouth. Sleeps on her stomach. One time, Chrissy tried to convince the three of them to wear pink on Wednesday until they found out cheer practices clashes with any spare time they had left at the end of the day.

Veronica is barely three pages into the newest chapter when her doorbell rings. She knows it’s not a pizza delivery man because her mother forbids any fatty food and she knows she now has no friends so, honestly, it could be _anyone_ at the door.

"Hi, um, I'm your neighbour. It's my birthday today and I'm throwing a party later." The girl says after Veronica had opened the front door.

And for one moment, a thought came into Veronica's mind. A thought that was  _so pure_  and  _so unlike_  her; her who for the longest time convinced herself to be mean and a bully. It's just a daisy thought,  _Are you inviting me?_

"I just wanted to tell you that my friends and I will be a little loud. I hope you don't mind." The girl tells.

_Oh._  Veronica thinks, feeling an empty hole in her chest. Just _oh_. It’s a notice on the loud noise, not an invitation.

Piecing together a convincing smile, Veronica replies, "That's fine. Thank you for telling me."

"My pleasure." Her neighbour says and turns to leave.

The sudden lack of conversation causes Veronica to slam a final say in it. "Happy birthday, by the way!"

The girl turns back, hands still shoved in her pocket, determined to go back home. "Thanks!" Then she leaves, for good this time.

As she shuts the door, Veronica realises how lonely she feels.

* * *

{ I'm alone now but it's better for me,  
I don't need all your negativity }

* * *

**end**

**Author's Note:**

> Notes 1: My friends and I wanted to be cheerleaders when we were twelve. Only one friend lived that dream. But I'm still fascinated by them, lioness armed with pom-poms and glitter as warpaint.
> 
> Notes 2: The movie was … okay. Sierra was her own villain in her movie. I knew my friends and I were going to come out of watching this film thinking it’s bad just as the reviews said it would be. But my favourite part was still when it ended because I got up and told my friends “I’m going to wash my hands” as we were eating cookies while watching the movie and Lewis went “Yeah, I’d wash my hands too after watching this dirty film”, his girlfriend laughed so hard and suggested the ending would be better if Sierra and Veronica ended up together. I agree. Also, I don’t hate Sierra Burgess, I just don’t particularly like her as a character (which is strange because I usually like the villain in movies). I just think the movie could have been handled a little better?
> 
> Notes 3: It's funny because this fic kinda links back to my Heather Duke fic (and Mackenzie was Heather Duke)
> 
> – 22 September 2018


End file.
